Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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