so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
