Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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