I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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