Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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