so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
