Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
