My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
