We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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