Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
