where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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