I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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