Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
