I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
