i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
