i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
