I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
