I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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