So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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