Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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