But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She even gives head with a lisp.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
