I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
