I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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