Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
