Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
