her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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