I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
