So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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