You're completely useless in the revolution.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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