I only kidnapped one of them. chill
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
