i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
me + whiskey = a bad person
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
