I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
