I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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