I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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