At least make sure they are 18
Why
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
