Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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