Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
