God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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