i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
i think i just lost a toe
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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