Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My pussy is not your playground.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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