I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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