God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
