we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
