Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
