im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
