I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
