Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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