my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
