This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
