I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
