Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
