I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
