she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
