apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
